I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
