I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
