idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
