So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can text with my tongue
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
