so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
