party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
