i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
