forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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