is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
