On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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