I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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