Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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