This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
