I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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