I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
