how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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