I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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