You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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