Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
