If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
