lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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