if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
