I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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