I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
