been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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