You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
