It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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