im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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