hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
