Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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