so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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