KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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