How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
