Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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