Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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