all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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