Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
