god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
