There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
