i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
