if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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