there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
