Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
