I will die if light touches me.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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