I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
