i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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