He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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