I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
