hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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