Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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