I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
