Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
