The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
