He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
