She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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