i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
