Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
