I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
