FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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