Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
