I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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